A first of many goodbyes

Mary, a 22 year old patient moved to the KwaZulu Natal region from Zimbabwe a few years ago with her husband to pursue his job. She has been in and out of the Respite Unit and as of lately she has been on a steady decline. She lives on a diet of juice and yogurt because she does not have the strength to move her mouth. She was one of very few patients at the Respite who could speak fluent English and therefore she was someone whose presence I took comfort in.

Maryanne, my boss called last night to let Mary-Kate my roommate who also works at the Respite and I know that Mary- the patient (yes lots of Mary's) husband had been transfered to a job in Johannesburg. Mary had been extremely upset all weekend and after much deliberation they finally found a place like the Respite right near where her husband would be. I was scheduled to work at 1000 Hills today so unfortunately I could not accompany Mary, Maryanne, and Mary-Kate to Johannesburg, but I was able to wake early and stop by the Respite to say goodbye.

I try to spend equal time standing next to each patient, comforting them, talking with them, holding their hand and letting them know that someone is there. As wonderful as it was that Mary understood English, it was also difficult to stand next to Marys bed and see her so weak. Today however when I walked in I felt like I was seeing a totally new person. Mary looked phenomenal. Her skin was glowing and her grin was from ear to ear. I have written in an earlier post about how AIDS has overtaken her body and she can barely talk, but today was the complete opposite. Mary was formulating sentences that were crystal clear. She sat herself up and looked composed and I could understand exactly what she was saying.

She told me how important my friendship was to her and thanked me for taking such good care of her. I was and still am amazed and how eloquent she sounded. Three days ago she could barely open her mouth, I was wiping drool off her face and staring into empty eyes.

I'll miss Mary, her bright smile, her youthful spirit that came out on paper when she wrote notes to me and drew pictures. I'll miss the comfort of conversation made easy by a shared language.

As I looked into her eyes, eyes that for the first time held love and hope we both began to cry. Tears of sadness and tears of joy. (As pictured below I'm a crying mess...) I'll miss Mary more then she will ever realize